How to Carve a Pumpkin on an Albino Farm

My buddy Jeff Houghton wrote a hilarious bit on a Springfield legend…and our church photographer and all around great guy, Taylor Orr sent me a picture of his award-winning carved pumpkin! Enjoy a late Halloween post!

Taylor’s Pumpkin…

Do It Yourself Pumpkin Carving – 10 Easy Steps to an all New You!

and Jeff’s spooky spoof…

For Halloween, here is an article I wrote for the satire site, Fair City News. If you?re from out of town, there is a legend regarding a spooky place called the Albino Farm north of Springfield.

ALBINO FARM TO OPEN TANNING SALON

Springfield, MO?Legendary spook site, the Albino Farm at Springlawn Farm, has a brand new surprise for the area, a tanning salon. Albi-No-More is set to open this Saturday, the 31st. The so-called Albino Farm has for years been notorious in legend for being haunted, by either an albino ghost caretaker, or an albino ghost family, depending on who is telling you the story.The present day owner of the property, Jerry Overholser, thought it was time for a change. ?I?m plum tired of teenagers sneaking around on the property,? explained Overholser. ?I figured if I can?t get the teenagers out of the albino farm, I?ll get the albino?s out of the albino farm.?Overholser is hoping to begin a different perspective on the property.

Albi-No-More is planned to have four standard beds, one Mystic spray-on tanning room, and one super powered machine designed specifically for modern day albinos called Burnt Toast. The interior is decorated with inspirational before and after pictures, with a picture of an albino on the left and a picture of the same albino glowing red on the right. Albinos, by the way, will get a special punch card for one free tan after enduring nine. At the grand opening they plan to give away Oreos, with the cream licked out to the first 100 customers.
Standing near the newly asphalted parking lot, teenager Troy Spelster, is not in favor of the new plan. ?I?ve had some of my best times on the Albino Farm. Ain?t nothing scary about a copper bronzed ghost chasing you.?
According to Overholser that?s exactly the idea, ?A brand new, well lit steel building with office furniture, a wide variety of oils, and watts and watts of UV rays won?t scare off anybody. Well, unless you?re scared of cancer I suppose.?

I Spilled Miracle Whip on my Vest ? The Mystery Hour.